Guess What

I just totally beared a pomegranate.

LOL! I love fr00t.

Happy Froo Year!

What’d yall do?

Kewl!

I want to bake a blueberry banana bread or a blueberry coffee cake. Which one sounds better? I know the first has 2x the froot, so that should probably decide it for me, but i DANNO.

bbyebye

Japan, Poms, Bears, 2010

hiyo!

although it’s been almost 9 months (i told yall i was pregz) i still love froots.

IN FACT:

I went to a Japanese restaurant in my town today. They always serve a bit of froot at the end of the meal–they understand the idea of a palate cleanser nameen? They know the secret everyone should know.

On the platter you ask?

-Honeydew

-Oranges

-Grapefruit

-Pineapple >.<

-Watermelon

absolutely no complaints, if ya ask me!!!!!! they even give you them little forks to eat the froot with. They know wassup.

There was a fly in the restaurant. IN FACT, in this particular joint there is always at least one fly. I think it adds character and even if it didn’t, the perfect platter of produce negates any insect issue in my book.

Pomegranates are a new love of mine. Have you evers has ones? I bet you has. They are winter fruit, which is both disappointing and exciting. Now I can be less upset when the winter comes, because even though it is cold and boogery, I have pomegranates to look forward to. But with that, I will slightly dread the spring, for my dear old weird looking red friends will hibernate (what are they thinking?)

Speaking of hibernation: bears! Have you ever eaten a pomegranate like a bear? Fancy food blogs will instruct you on impeccable ways to deseed a guy. I’ve done it–you cut it in slight quarters and undo the seeds with your fingers in a bowl filled with water–the MEMBRANE (ew!!!!) will float to the top.

(*wait, wait, wait, wait…do you purchase your poms pre-de-se-ed-ed? get off my site, froot faker!)

Well let me tell you something, you little membrane fanatic (grow up, you’re gross!!!!). You need to adopt the true way of pomegranate consumption. Ya gotta eat it like a bear! (you can use a knife to start, but you have to pee outside for a day to make up wilderness points).

primal pomegranate

Get back to your froot roots! rip that baby apart, dig your teeth into the MEMBRANE, avoid the kinda brownish squishy ones because you know whats up, get juice all over your nose so your dad thinks you’re bleeding. GET WITH THE POM PROGRAM

If you’re observant, my frooty friend, you’re right–this isn’t a wild bear. He’s on a jungle gym. Working off dem seeds, ya hear? But if you need a better role model:

Just Chillen' Cause I'm "tired" lolololol

lol he know’s wassup, lol nawwww:

Found This On Steve Jobs' Blog; Credit Steve Jobs

Now I think you understand. If Apple hero gets it, you ought to too. Or if you are still a little confused, you might consider enrolling in a Pom course.

Pom seeds have been hanging out with my salads–a lil bit of goat cheese, some pears (or green apples, your choice) ya know ya know. I htink they are a good alternative to dried cranberries–they are jucier (DRIED cranberries–do you understand???) and a little prettier and somewhat classier. And also, they have to be appreciated, because they are a winter froot. They are more scarce, unlike the dried cranberry that is sold at costco in 1 ton bags. I aint complaining, straight facts.

Is corn a froot? I still wonder.

What is your favorite game show? I really like game shows, but some of them I don’t really like. I like word games, but I think froot should some how be incorporated. Remember Double Dare?

Now you do. Well remember how they had cool obstacle things at the end of the challenges for the winning team and then you could win a box computer or a trip to disney? It would be really easy to incorporate froot into those games. For example, one of my favorite obstacles was a nose that had to be picked for the flag, through a lot of boogery goop. It sort of looked like this

Snoof Snoof, Sniff Sniff, I wish there was some fr00t

Well instead of searching through boogers, why not grapes? Much less gross and it promotes eating right and anti-obesity (this is a big issue these days). Or how about the flag is a banana rather than a piece of plastic/cloth? This would make it more interesting because 1) bananas are cool, and 2) depending on ripeness, things could get me$$y!

These are my ideas for now. Please let me know what you think, I need your feedback fans!!! I love you, thank you fr your support!!!!!

I plan to be eating twice the fr00t in 2010 (omggggg), but I have to toot my own froot horn and say I did a pretty decent job in ’09. But my resofrootion is always to froot it up. How bout you? Do you plan to step it up in 2010? Get back on track? We all lose ourselves at times, but there is no better time to start than now (i heard a radio commercial that said tiger shulman was providing froot kickboxing. dunno what that is, but if you decide to check it out let me know.)

kiwicuties2010

LOTS OF FROOT AND LOVE FOR THE NEW YEAR.

HOPE THERE IS GREAT FROOT ART IN 2010, THINK ABOUT IT

-Kafr00ty

Nutz 4 Bananaz but not carcass

Today for lunch I 8 a froot called a bananaz. Wait though, I first have to inform you all that for breakfast I bit into a perfectly shiny, red apple (it did have some waxy shizz on it but I tried to ignore it, and that in no way would affect the dilemma) and it was as mushy as a carcass on a sunny day. It didn’t taste like that though. Any way, it is disappointing to experience a bad froot first thing in the morning. It kind of set the mood for the rest of the day, dontcha think?

I had to replace the inexcusable apple with 2  hard boiled eggs. I mostly eat these because I get to peel off the shell and watch the juice of the yolk dribble down into my bowl. It’s gross.

But never mind the eggs, they are not froot! They are a egg.

Lunch did not redeem all froots of the day, as a banana never could. But it was a fine banana. A perfect yellow (not egg yolk yellow) with the perfect proportion of brownish stretch marks on the peel, meaning it is soft, but not mushy. Todai the banana swam in a forkful of peanut butter and a small kiddie pool of honey (no urine!!!!~~). The combination of the three saved apple’s ass today. Frootz need to support one another, otherwise the entire froot species could be ostracized for being overly mushy, not tart enough, too squishy, etc.

Something that is really annoying is froot salad with that fermented tasting juice. You know what I’m talking about. This melange in no way helps the cause (of frootz). There is nothing wrong with froot salad, until the grapes are squishy (putting grapes in this mixture is taking a risk to begin with, chill) the pineapple and canteloupe are fermented (why? stop), and someone decides to throw some papaya in there. I guess it’s not the frootz fault for being tossed together with other races. There is nothing wrong with separate but equal when it comes to frootz, except when some frootz are less equal than others. And for good reasons.

I wonder why I am off my froot game today. Is it because the apple carcassed in my mouth, or for a different reason? One friend suggests that perhaps I have not been getting my usual fr00t dosage lately, so maybe I am uninspired (because I am malnourished….). But I don’t think that’s true. I love my frootz and wouldn’t go a day without them (WOULD YOU??????????). People who don’t like frootz aren’t really human, but that is a topic for another day.  Dealing with the daily ups and downs of frootz is a hard life, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I, too, hate carcass apples.

Nothing else for now. Oh–except, where do the nutz tie in???? After my banana-llama concoction I ate some walnuts. Not that good. Almonds are members of the peach family.

Fairs Winds,

Froot Daddy

omg i am so sorry

Woops! it’s been a while. Sorry for not updating, but I gave birth to two baby boys last Friday. Froot Johnson and Loot Minglestein. They are adorable, will post pics later.

Anyway , I decided to take the blog in a new direction. It ain’t just froot anymore! I am going to update y’all on the dining hall’s (dhall) delicious delights. I know that’s not specific, but I don’t really know what that means either. See ya then!!

ps. I didn’t have any babies but this is what I have been doing:

love her

No No No No Don't Phunk With My Heart

Oats, Imposters, and Fr00ts

It’s not that fruit (froot) isn’t inspiring, ’cause it is. But sometimes I’m just not so inspired. I ate a green apple and some pineapple pieces today. What did you eat?

I love green apples with peanutbutter (skippy–cRuNcHy). Some cut up slices with a few sc00pz of pb is the perfect opener for my day. Would you agree?

Many people have asked me what kind of froot would be good in oatmeal. I receive countless e-mails a day begging for suggestions. To tell you the honest truth, I don’t really eat oatmeal often. It’s not that I dislike it, but there are many things I would choose over the breakfast staple of vomit-like consistency.

But, if I were to choose a froot for oak-meal, it would be the raisin. Are raisins froot? It all goes back to that age old question. It’s just like the chicken vs. egg situation. Except more thought provoking.

I bet apples would be good in the hot cereal as well. Quaker Oats makes a delicious apples and cinnomon packet that ya’ll could just serve with some warm milk. They’re smart over there in the Q.O. headquarters, so instead of hounding me about the froot in your oatmeal (I mean seriously, stop asking–you need to be creative on your own, my froot fans. I love all of this mail, but enough is enough!) why don’t ya just ask the big guy himself.

The Real Slim Shady

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT fall for imposters:

Not So Quakeish

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the real from the pretend, but you can always come back here for reference.

Happy frooting!

Look at these bitches!!!

Jesus!! These green grapes are enormous. Now, I bet you’re thinking they’re squishy or nasty because they have the size going on. NO!!!! These grapes got tha crunch to last a while. Froots can really be out of this world sometimes (almost all the time lololololololololol)

Normally, I like red grapes. Red over green all the time. They are usually rounder and harder (crunch factor) and I just like the taste of them. But these puppies are divine.

I’m so sorry I haven’t been fair to my fans lately. I know this blog is as important to many of you as it is to me, and I don’t want you to think I haven’t been thinking of you lately, because I have. So, hope all is well in the mortal froot world.

Keepin’ it short today, ladies. Have a great January 12th! (Do you think January 12th is the most random and pointless day of the year?)

[comment response to January 12th--poll ain't werking!]